Peter Kay and Gordon Strachan

Some truths from Pater Kay:

1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
3. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
4. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
5. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush.
6. Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
7. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
8. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
9. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
10. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

And some Gorden Strachan quotes:

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish!

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Reporter: Gordon, Agustin Delgado? (after Delgado went AWOL)
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you play?
Strachan: If I was English I'd top myself!

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]