Monday, June 13, 2005

You Can't Wash A Window With A Brick

Here is some useful advice I have heard that may well come in handy one day.
  1. If you are a busy executive, don't buy a Dachshund; their amusing sausage shape means they take 50% longer to stroke than other dogs, and time is money.
  2. If you meet a someone who is a Russian speaker, tell them to "slow down".
  3. If you suffer from high blood pressure, to reduce the pressure in your veins, cut yourself and bleed for a while.
  4. Mums, a strip of banana peel tacked to the bottom of children's shoes allows them to be towed effortlessly around supermarkets.
  5. Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books; just cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
  6. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars; just stand closer to the object you wish to view.
  7. Olympic athletes can conceal the fact that they have taken performance enhancing drugs by running a little slower and letting someone else win.
  8. People whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty Toblerone chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.
  9. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
  10. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to the fastest setting whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
  11. A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an ideal car for snakes.

1 Comments:

At 10:07 pm, Blogger Tim said...

the best point there has to be No. 6!!

 

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