I Don't Like Cricket - I Love It

I have been enjoying the Cricket World Cup and have for the first time realised what the Long Wave frequency on my car radio is useful for. However while at work I have been able to follow the matches on the BBC Website text commentary service which is fantastic. My favourite "commentator" is Ben Dirs, here are some extracts...

“Watts latches on to an Ntini short ball and swinging him over the mid-wicket boundary. That was like seeing a mouse-like museum curator burst from behind his desk and lay-out a couple of rowdy youths pawing a priceless vase. That was one of the worst analogies I've ever written. I can't apologise enough.”

“Hayden marches down the pitch towards Collymore, bat raised, as if he's just returned from the theatre to find him rifling through his wife's knicker draw.”

“Thinking about scary times in my life, an internal flight in a storm in Nam (Viet, not Dagen) must be up there, but I also recall going to an Erasure concert in about 1990. That was terrifying.”

“I had a nightmare about the World Cup last night. I dreamt I was in the Caribbean and just before the Australia v South Africa match, I saw a load of Aussie players grab South Africa all-rounder Shaun Pollock, do unspeakable things to him and throw his body onto some weird conveyor belt thing. And as he disappeared down the belt, his head fell off into a box.”

“It was Lara diving over the ball, hitting the deck like a geriatric being tipped out of his wheelchair.”

“Bit of Toto as Hoffmann makes his way to the middle - "I bless the rains down in Africa!" - smashing. My favourite Toto number is Rosanna. I used to go out with someone called Rosanna. Her mum looked like Cher.”

“Pollock is tighter than the Elephant Man's hatband”

“Freddie has been spotted practising his shots. Not pull shots or cover drives. Sambuca”

“Antigua should just be glad that Cliff Richard isn't at the game...”