The Final Countdown

As a tribute to Richard Whitely, in my opinion, one of the greatest TV personalities ever, here are some Richard Whitley puns. (I once went to a party as Richard Whitley and even had my own 'Inverted T')

1. Two Eskimos went on a boat and as it was cold one of them set fire to the boat. The boat sank which just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
2. An anthropologist was wandering about a jungle. He found a lost tribe. This tribe had a special plant that was a cure for constipation. The tribe leader told him: "With fronds like this who needs enemas".
3. I was in a Chinese restaurant and noticed Jeremy Paxman sitting alone at a table. He had a big pile of food in front of him. Paxman asked the waitress why he had lots of food. “It’s your starter for ten” replied the waitress.
4. Did the inventor of the doorknocker win the no-bell prize?
5. If a short fortune-teller escaped from prison, would there be a small medium at large?
6. Some mills in the south of England went bust. A wealthy man buys the mills and turns them into a kennel for dogs from Germany. A man and his wife pass by the mills one night. The wife asks her hubby what the noise is. Her husband replies, "The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich".
7. A man walks into the doctor's. He tells the doctor that he dreamt that he was being poached then he was being fried. Last night he dreamt that he was being boiled and scrambled. "Ah" says the doctor. "You are going from one eggs dream to the other".
8. A Russian man and his wife are walking along a road. All of a sudden something drips on the man. “That’s got to be rain” said the man. “No dear” replied his wife. “It’s definitely snow”. The couple decide to ask Rudolph the Communist, as he knows what is going on. “It’s raining,” confirmed Rudolph. The woman tried to say it was definitely snowing but her husband said “Rudolph the red knows rain, dear”