Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Jelly Man

Tomorrow (and thankfully tomorrow only) I get to be Jelly Man in the Superhero holiday club sketch. It reminded me of the scene from the film Mystery Men (staring Ben Stiller as Mr Furious and Eddie Izzard is one of the baddies).

Here's a transcript of the scene from the film (not our sketch)

[Shoveler's backyard.](The yard is crawling with people in various costumes. )
(Furious, Shoveler, Raja, Spleen, and Invisible Boy are seated at a table. A guy with a waffle iron hanging from his belt approaches them.)
Furious: All right, state your name and power.
Waffler: I am the Waffler. With my griddle of justice, I bash the enemy in the head, or, I burn them like so.
(He presses the iron to his face with a gruesome hissing noise.)
Shoveler: Oh, don't do that.
Waffler: I also have my Truth Syrup, which is low fat. And I've been working on a theme song. Kinda like: "Waffle Man!! Oh! I am the Waffler! Golden crispy! Bad guys are history, yow!" And I'm running. Just think about it. Do you have a health plan? Maybe dental? Eye?
Raja: Next.
(Waffler is replaced by a guy in a pencil costume.)
Pencilhead: Hi. Uh...I am Pencilhead.
Son of Pencilhead: (popping out from behind him) And I am Son of Pencilhead.
Pencilhead: We erase crime.
Raja: Uh, two generations of...
Furious: Right.Raja: Yes, thank you.
Son of Pencilhead: Did I do all right?
Pencilhead: Yeah, I think they liked us.
(The Pencilheads wander off, and a menacing-looking guy in a mask and a volumnious black cloak steps up.)
Raja: (impressed) Now, say.Man: I'm...
(opens cloak to reveal a tutu) the Ballerina Man!
Raja: Ah.
Furious: Oh. I don't need to see that.
(Ballerina Man dances.)
Furious: Thanks.
(Ballerina Man sweeps his cloak back around himself and leaves. A young woman in a Wonder Woman-ripoff costume runs up.)
Sexy Woman #1: I am--
(Another young woman in an identical costume arrives.)
Sexy Woman #2: Hey!
Sexy Woman #1: You copied me!
Sexy Woman #2: You copied /me/!
Sexy Woman #1: Did not!
Sexy Woman #2: Liar!
Raja: Ladies, ladies...Now let's play nicely...
(The two women start brawling.)
Furious: I'd say there's potential.
(Follows is a montage of various other loser wanna-be "superheroes":)
Bullfighter: I be the Bullfighter! I fight the bull!
Radio man: Greetings, fellow crimefighters. I am Radio Man.
Squeegieman: I am Squeegieman. Do you sense its power?
Raja: Yes.
PMS Avenger: P.M.S. Avenger. I only work four days a month. Is there a problem with that?
Shoveler: No.
Raja: No.
Furious: No. Whatever you say.
Shoveler: We'll get back to you.
Raja: Quite all right.
PMS Avenger: Whatever!
Furious: (in disgust) Okay, that's it.


Post a Comment

<< Home