15 Miliseconds Of Fame

Zoe Me and Mark on ITV1 - FA Cup Highlights Programme.

What Were You Thinking As You Walked Into That Tree?

As I was thinking about Jeremy Beadle who sadly died last week, I remembered back to when You’ve Been Framed was a great show (Harry Hill has since made it watchable again – c’mon admit it, people falling over is funny). ...“Next time, the star of the show could be you”... They used to have a studio audience and occasionally one of the people in the clips would be in the crowd and Jeremy would interview them: “So what were you thinking just before you walked into that tree / fell into the swimming pool / got hit in the crotch”... brilliant.

Can You Feel The Power

In my opinion, here are the top 10 events featured on Gladiators.
C=number of Contenders
G=number of Gladiators
T=time limit

1: The Wall (C=2, G=2, T=60s)
1st=10pts, 2nd=5pts, remaining on wall=5pts
Contenders are chased up a climbing wall by Gladiators who set off 10 seconds later.

2: Duel (C=1, G=1, T=30s)
win=10pts, survival=5pts
Armed with a giant cotton bud or “pugil stick” the Contender and Gladiator try to knock each other off their platforms.

3: Hang Tough (C=1, G=1, T=60s)
reaching Gladiator’s platform=10pts, surviving in scoring zone=5 pts.
The contender's task is to reach the Gladiator's platform by swinging between the rings, the Gladiator would attempt to intercept them and with the use of the “body scissors” technique, pull them off.

4: Gauntlet (C=1, G=3/5, T=30s)
Points varied between series.
A Contender has to run down a narrow tube by passing Gladiators armed with ramrods or power pads.

5: Suspension Bridge (C=1, G=1, T=60s)
win=10pts, survival=5pts
Contender and Gladiator, armed with hammerheads (sticks with padding) faced each other on a suspension bridge. the aim was to knock the Gladiator off the bridge and reach the their platform.

6: Powerball (C=2, G=3/2, T=60s)
Outer Basket 2 Points, Centre Basket 3 Points
Contenders have 60 seconds to place balls in the five scoring baskets on the pitch whilst the Gladiators had to tackle the contenders, preventing them from scoring.

7: Pendulum (C=1, G=1, T=60s)
(Series 4-6) surviving 60secs=10pts, surviving 40secs=5pts
(Series 7-8) upper section target=3pts each, lower section target=4pts (max 10pts)
A 5m diameter ball swung 40 feet off the ground. The Gladiator’s aim was to grab the Velcro tag attached to the contenders back. Later 4 targets were introduced around the ball.

8: Pyramid (C=2, G=2, T=60s)
reaching top first=10pts, reaching top 2nd=5pts
Contenders aim to reach the top of the big black and white pyramid while gladiators attempt to throw them down to the bottom where they start over again.

9: Atlaspheres (C=2, G=2, T=60s)
each goal=3pts
Contenders and Gladiators are caged in large hamster balls. The contenders' task is to roll the spheres onto any of four scoring pods where the inevitable smoke billows up into their face.

10: Skytrak (C=2, G=2, T=n/a)
first=10pts, second=5pts
Contenders are connected to an upside down Scalextric figure if “8” track. They have a 10m head start on the Gladiators whose aim is to hit the detonator button trailing behind the Contenders.

Other events that were generally rubbish:
Catapault, Danger Zone, Dogfight, Hit & Run, Joust, Pole-Axe, Pursuit, Sumo Ball, Swingshot, Tightrope, Tilt, Virtigo, Whiplash

Song For Europe

On Saturday the nation will decide who will represent the UK at this years Eurovision Song Contest (12 May).

There are 6 contenders and here's what they've had to say...

Justin Hawkins (from The Darkness)

"I think it's the biggest, most glamorous and possibly the most important music event there is"

Randy (Big Bruvaz)

"This is an opportunity for us to showcase UK hip-hop and R&B on a world scale. We're the first urban group to ever be asked to do this competition, so we consider that a privilege as well."

- How could he forget the very urban Love City Groove of 1995?

Brian Harvey (of East17 fame)

"It's the best song I've ever recorded ever - or could ever hope to record. It really is that good"

- What? Better than "Stay Another Day"? Or "Love, Let It Rain"? Or "Thunder"? No, surely not. (Incidently Brian has recovered from running himself over in his Mercedes-Benz.)

David Ducasse (Scooch)

"It's about time Eurovision had a pop act to go through for the UK,"

- 'Cos we all remember how good Gemeni were.

Cyndi (she's French)

"I really have faith in people, they will choose whatever song touches them the most."

– Of course they will dear!

The other contestant is Liz McClarnon (ex-Atomic Kitten), who hasn’t said anything too silly - yet.